Boundaries for people-pleasers start here.
Heyyyyyyo Reckless Optimists!
Let’s talk about something real.
(But not the state of the world or politics—I'm not quite ready for that.)
If you’re a people pleaser (or a recovering one like me), you know the suffocating feeling of saying yes when you really mean no. You’ve bent, stretched, and shape-shifted into whatever version of yourself keeps everyone else happy. And let’s be honest—you do it because deep down, you’re afraid that if you don’t, people won’t like you.
People-Pleasing Is Not a Weakness
Let’s break the stigma that working through people-pleasing is a flaw. From a young age, many high performers are conditioned to be agreeable, accommodating, and easy to be around. We’re praised for being “nice” and “helpful,” while setting boundaries is often labeled “difficult” or “selfish.”
This is especially true for female leaders. When a woman in charge makes a decision that’s best for the team, the company, or herself, she risks backlash. Society is quick to tear down women in leadership, leaving them stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Whether from old lessons or new ones, we internalize the idea that our worth is tied to how much we do for others—how much we give, accommodate, and sacrifice. But here’s the truth: Your value is not measured by how much of yourself you give away.
The Exhaustion Cycle
Saying yes to everything doesn’t make people love you more—it just makes you exhausted. And, newsflash, it never actually works. At some point, you’ll look around and realize:
You’re running on empty.
You’ve abandoned your own needs.
The people you were trying so hard to please? They still expect more.
You don’t need to earn your worth by saying yes. Let’s flip the script.
The Weekly Challenge: Define Your Boundaries & Own Them
Step 1: Identify Where You’re Over-Giving
Ask yourself:
Where am I consistently saying yes when I really want to say no?
What expectations (from others or myself) make me feel stuck?
What do I keep sacrificing that actually matters to me? (Time? Peace? Joy? Sleep?)
Step 2: Define Your Non-Negotiables
Boundaries aren’t about saying no to everything. They’re about making sure you have rules for yourself—lines that protect your energy, your time, and your values.
Try writing down three non-negotiables. They might sound like:
I don’t answer work messages after 7 PM.
I don’t agree to plans that drain me out of guilt.
I don’t allow people to treat me like an emotional dumping ground.
Boundaries are not conditions others must follow—they are decisions you make for yourself.
Step 3: Hold the Line (Even When It’s Hard)
Here’s the scariest part: When you start setting boundaries, some people won’t like it. But guess what? That’s okay.
The people who truly respect and love you will adjust. The ones who only valued what you could do for them? They might fall away—and that’s not a loss. It’s clarity.
When someone pushes back, remember: Disappointing someone else is still better than betraying yourself.
The Reckless Resource
📖 Book Recommendation: The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga – A game-changer on why your happiness can’t rely on other people’s approval.
Community Spotlight
🔥 Shoutout to Sarah M. for setting a big boundary! After years of dealing with a friend’s constant criticism, she finally spoke up. Her exact words: ‘Hey, I’ve been really focused on my well-being and maintaining a more positive mindset. A lot of our conversations lean toward criticism, and I’d love to shift our energy toward things that inspire and uplift us, okay?’ And guess what? The world didn’t end. She’s alive, thriving, and her friend now knows how to show up better.
Pep Talk to Close It Out
Listen up: You were not put on this earth to be a 24/7 support system for everyone else at the cost of yourself.
Loving people doesn’t mean shrinking yourself to make them comfortable. It doesn’t mean over-explaining your needs or apologizing for having limits.
If people only love you when you’re over-giving, over-extending, and over-explaining—that’s not love. That’s convenience.
The people who truly belong in your life will respect your boundaries. The ones who don’t? They were only there for what you could give them.
And yes, setting boundaries might feel uncomfortable at first—like you’re somehow “letting people down.” But in reality, you’re choosing to respect yourself. You’re taking back your time, your energy, your peace.
Set the boundary. Hold the line. And watch how everything changes. I know it did for me. I know it will for you too.
Because the moment you stop bending over backward to be liked is the moment you start standing tall in your own power.
With boundless courage, endless joy, and a battle cry of “Actually, you can”—go get ‘em!