The “LET THEM” theory- R/O Tested + Approved
Hey, Reckless Optimists!
Ever find yourself bending over backwards for people who don’t do the same for you?
Obsessing over someone’s opinion of you?
Tying yourself in knots trying to fix things that aren’t yours to fix?
Yeah. Same. I'm a leader, this is our life.
UNTIL YOU GET BADDIE BOUNDARIES.
And then along comes Mel Robbins with two words that slap you across the face:
LET. THEM.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them disagree with you.
Let them be upset with you.
Let them make the wrong assumption.
Let them do the thing you wish they wouldn’t do.
Why? Because you know your value. You trust the decisions you make. You trust that if you need to adjust or take feedback, you will. You KNOW your peace is your progress, and that is worth more than your need to control the narrative.
Here’s what most people get wrong about boundaries:
They think boundaries are about managing others.
They think boundaries are about saying no.
They think boundaries are about drawing hard lines in the sand.
But real boundaries? They’re about letting go.
They’re about accepting reality instead of fighting it.
They’re about choosing where your energy goes instead of reacting to everything.
They’re about protecting your mental real estate instead of letting every little thing take up space.
They're about saying "Girl, I am not on that committee," or "Woman, your value is strong-you will not lose your place in line because you say no to this," or, my god "It's ok if they don't like you - you like you, which is more than most people can say."
But If you're like me and the concept of being a giving leader + person has been conditioned into you and-revered by a patriarchal society- here’s why this boundary feels so hard:
You’re wired to care. Letting people be wrong about you? That stings.
You want to be liked. Letting someone walk away instead of chasing? Uncomfortable.
You love hard. Letting people make their own mess? Gut punch.
But here’s the truth: Trying to control other people’s thoughts, choices, or actions is the fastest way to burn yourself out.
And that exhaustion? That’s the price of refusing to LET THEM.
Where Do You Need to LET THEM?
✅ At work? Let them send the unnecessary email. You don't have to answer right away.
✅ In relationships? Let them misinterpret your boundary. You don't own an essay explaining it.
✅ With family? Let them have their drama. You don't have to RSVP.
✅ With strangers on the internet? Let them misunderstand you. You're not for everyone.
“LET THEM” isn’t passive. It’s radical self-preservation!!!!!!!!!
You are not required to convince, persuade, prove, or perform for anyone.
And the moment you let go? Freedom.
*Now, I do think it’s important to note that I aim to curate some of the most effective tools and tips out there for you. This concept is NOT about totally abandoning personal responsibility. We are, after all, The Reckless Optimists. Aggressive self-inquiry is what we do. Ownership is who we are. But overdoing it? That’s what we’re here to work on. Just be aware of the classic all-or-nothing cognitive distortion trap I talk about often.
AKA: Don't be a dick. A person who lacks self-awareness is THE WORST. You and we must never be those people. NEVER.
But we can certainly stop trying to be everything to everybody so no one has to feel stress or discomfort.
This Week’s Challenge: Try the LET THEM Rule
Step 1: Think of one situation that’s been eating up your mental energy.
Step 2: Instead of jumping in, fixing, explaining, or over-functioning—LET THEM.
Step 3: Notice how much lighter you feel when you stop holding weight that isn’t yours.
Example:
Friend is upset you’re not coming to the event? LET THEM.
Colleague is upset you aren't working late even though you’ve set a boundary? LET THEM.
Someone misreads your tone and makes it weird? LET THEM.
Let them. Breathe. Move on.
The Reckless Resource
📖 Book: Let Them by Mel Robbins – A masterclass in stepping the hell back and protecting your energy.
Community Spotlight
Shoutout to a DAMN QUEEN we'll call BB!!! She is a live saving PA in Oncology and has been expected -actually TOLD- that she is not to use PTO or vacation and should not take days off. (GASP, RIGHT?!)
I mean, here is a human who helps humans stay human in the most terrifying of situations and/or walks them to the sunset with dignity and compassion. SHE KNOWS that in order to not go numb, burn out, or make mistakes, she needs to preserve her humanity, her human spirit and take care of herself. Despite the backlash and pressure from above, she is leading a charge, demanding that she be treated like a goddamn human and respecting her spark by making sure she takes PTO and recharges.
I know very few of us can relate to THAT kind of pressure, but her courage and self-respect is INSPIRING, and we know it's not an easy battle she's fighting. SO- extra love, and grace, and strength, and community support to our R/O QUEEN this week! WE LOVE YOU, BB!
Pep Talk to Close It Out
Here’s the truth: Not everything needs your reaction.
You are not responsible for managing other people's emotions.
Woof, so much easier said than done- I know. But good news? IT JUST TAKES PRACTICE.
Some people will misunderstand you. LET THEM.
Some people will expect more than you can give. LET THEM.
Some people will fumble, struggle, or self-sabotage. LET THEM.
Why? Because your energy is too precious to waste on proving, pleasing, or performing.
This week, I dare you: LET THEM.
And watch how much lighter life gets when you stop carrying things that were never yours.
XO,
JD
P.S. We’ve given the events section of The Reckless Optimists website a fresh update! Now you can easily stay in the loop with everything we’ve got going on in the real world. From meetups (virtual + in person)to big moves, it’s all there—so check it out and come hang with us!